Posted by: Jim E | August 8, 2017

And With Jeremy…The Last Days…Things Unexpected…And Made Us Wonder…But Now Things Are Significantly Clearer…

It seems as time goes by…almost everyday, certainly every week…something comes into our lives that is unexpected and brings with it, some clarity to Jeremy’s death…sometimes it is something that brings more peace in our lives concerning Jeremy’s death…sometimes it is something which explains or helps us deal with some unknown about the circumstances that surrounded that Sunday morning…Jeremy, Heart of Gold figurine

I have in a number of my posts, talked about how special Jeremy was…he was special in every way…it is why we were completely committed to his care in these last days…Judie and I just talked about last night, how this was an anniversary, of sorts…it was one year ago, August 7, 2016, that Jeremy had his first of two strokes that month…and he spent a few days in the hospital…and we talked about how Jeremy never worked again, his last day of work was August 6, 2016…there were all kinds of things that were going to happen…all three of us, Judie, Jeremy and I, were up for the challenge…but things just got away from us, beyond our control to do anything to change what was to come…

But I will not go into all that…there is too much and much of it I have already written about…let me go instead to those last few days, days that we had no idea what would be their end, but we had to make decisions based on what we knew, not what was to come…that was hidden from us…but we believe Jeremy had a better view of things than his Mom and Dad…let me explain…Jeremy and clown at Kroger

It was March 15, 2017…a Wednesday…we were at home, Jeremy was very lethargic, we got him up in the morning, got him some breakfast and he went and laid down in his beanbag chair, covered with a blanket…we got him up after while, to “get him going”…the rest of the day was okay, but we had an idea by night time that he would be going to the hospital before this was over…that night, we had him take his meds and we put him in bed…in the past year we had been tucking him in and kissing him good night…but that night it was different…strikingly so…

Judie and I were in his room…I would go over and kiss him and turn out the Jeremy, Mom and Dad 40th birthdaylight…but this night I ended up on the other side of the bed, I really don’t know why…he always turned on his right side and that is how he slept…but that night, as we were going to turn off the light, Jeremy turned his head up…like he heard something…you understand what I mean…like he turned to hear and see who was talking…I thought first he was looking at me…but no, he was looking straight up…at the ceiling…he continued for a long enough time for me to ask him, “What are you looking at?”…he didn’t respond, just kept looking up…this was unusual for sure…I asked again, what he was looking at…he still didn’t respond…still looking up…and finally I raised my voice a bit…and asked again, “What are you looking at?”…finally he, still looking up…and then turning to lay his head down…he said, “My trucks.”…

Though there are trucks on the walls, there are none on the ceiling were he was looking…I thought at the time how strange this was…his eyes were on something and I don’t think it was on his trucks…thinking about this incident over the last few months, I wish I had asked him, “What do you see?”…it never entered my mind at the time…but after all the things of the next few days and then his death…I so wish I had asked that question…he knew more than we did…

When Judie and I went to bed that Wednesday night…I came into the bedroom to get ready for bed, sat on the bed and told Judie…”We are losing him.”…I felt it was only time, I didn’t know how soon, but could definitely feel we were losing him…

During the night, Judie and I got up at various times to see how he was doing…but about 5:30 a.m., Judie yelled for me to come to the Jeremy’s bathroom…I have told this before but he had fallen…we helped him back to bed…the rest of the night went okay…and the starting of Thursday was rocky…Jeremy was not himself…lethargic and sleeping all day…we knew we were going to take him in…and we did…Jeremy hospital Saturday058

Jeremy had very low blood when he came in to the hospital…he was admitted and had two blood transfusions…he was to have an upper GI to see where the bleeding was…it was suppose to be on Friday, but it couldn’t be done until Saturday…I went home to sleep, Judie stayed both Thursday and Friday nights…when I was coming to the hospital on Saturday morning, Judie called and said they were in the room, ready to take Jeremy down for the procedure…I told them to wait…I rushed up there and he was on the gurney and the nurse was there to take him down…I came and had prayer with him…then learned he was going down to wait until the procedure…we went with him…

I stayed with him until he went into surgery…while we waited and it is a waiting game for sure…we talked…after the anesthesiologist talked to us…the surgical nurse came in…then different than any of Jeremy’s surgeries and he had many…he asked me a question, at least I think it was a question…now mind you, it was difficult to understand Jeremy, since his stroke, even for Judie and I, so I think it was a question…but he asked something like, “Am I going to die?”…I didn’t know if I heard him right, so I asked him to repeat it…by this time the surgical nurse caught the word “die” as well, I asked him again, to clarify what else he said with that word…I still do not know for sure what he said…but it certainly contained the word “die”…so I said, “Did you say die?”…I said, “No, this is a simple procedure. You will be just fine.”…so if he said something else, like, “Do people die from this?” or after some time to think about it, did he say, “I know I’m going to die”…my response would have been the same, but …I just know it was totally out of character for Jeremy to say something like that…but I am sure now, that Jeremy knew something we didn’t…

After his procedure he was alert and upbeat…he came out of anesthesia quickly, that was unusual…and returned to his room…we went along and the rest of Saturday was pretty good…he wanted to go home…and asked about it a couple of times…and by the afternoon he was dressed and was walking up and down the halls with us, very upbeat…even his nurse made comment how he “turned on his heels” when he responded to the nurse…we all knew by this time that Jeremy would be going home tomorrow (Sunday), if everything went well…Judie stayed Saturday night…they walked me to the elevators and we waved goodbye to each other…it was the last I was to see Jeremy alive…

Early Sunday morning, about 3:30 Jeremy passed into Glory…but before that, Judie had noticed Jeremy checking on if she was still there…he moved about a little…and Judie got up and she tucked a warm blanket around him…he looked at her and said, “as clear as a bell”, “I want to go home.”…she told him, “You’ll go home tomorrow. Mama’s here with you. I love you.” and kissed him…and she went back to lay down…he settled down but shortly after, he passed into Glory…Judie told me, that she was sure after he died that he meant “Going Home”, as going home to heaven…I told her, it very well could be, he knew that reference and he knew Jesus…but never the less, Jeremy was Home…Jeremy Peace Dove on door. March 19, 2017

Not long after I wrote my last post on this blog…when I told the story that Jeremy spoke “clear as a bell”…when he had not spoken anything clear as a bell for a long time…friends of ours who had just recently lost their son, Judah, wrote a comment that gave Judie and I, great comfort…

So true and consistent with many of our experiences in Judah’s last days. Amazingly, two nights before he died (and Judah had been unable to say much for several days other than a yes, no, or hi) Judah woke me up as I was sleeping next to him calling my name clearly. I said “What, Judah?” and as you say clear as a bell he said “I want to go home.” Not wanting it to mean he was ready to leave us, I said, “You are home. You are just sleeping downstairs in the living room.” He said again, “No, Daddy, I want to go home.” He went back to sleep but I fully expected when he woke in the morning he would have some return of his ability to speak to us. But he didn’t and those were really the last audible words he said to any of us. I was blessed to be there and hear the calmness and peace in his voice.”

I answered with this comment: Leland…thanks for this…as you and your family went through those times with Judah…we were praying for you…so it is so wonderful to hear that story…and especially when Judie went through something very similar with our Jeremy…she was sleeping beside Jeremy in his hospital room…he was “checking” to see if she was still there throughout the night, with his eyes…Judie saw him looking…and that is when she got up tucked a warm blanket around him…he looked at her and said, clear as a bell, “I want to go home.” and she told him, “You’ll go home tomorrow. Mama’s is here with you. I love you.” and kissed him…he settled down but shortly after, he passed into Glory…when I saw Judie a few minutes later as I came out of the elevator…I said, “Babe, you were here! Isn’t wonderful you were here!”…I didn’t know yet how it all went…though shortly she told me…we too believe Jeremy knew he was going to “go home”, his heavenly home…someday we shall know for sure…I’ll just ask him then!!!…others, as you know, may give all this some other meaning…but they grasp for straws, not able to “see” what we see…I will write something about that phenomenon, that only those who know, trust and walk with Jesus can really understand…God bless you and your family…we think and pray for you often…”

So why all this?…why do I bring up the stories of that night we kissed Jeremy good night and he looked at something with great interest…and the story about what he said on the gurney as he went for his procedure…and why the story about him saying “clear as a bell”…”I want to go home”…and why Judah’s story…it’s what is in your heart right now, that’s why…these days we live, are only a brush with time…someday we will all spend “the rest of our lives” somewhere else…I want everyone to be able to say with Judah and Jeremy, “I want to go Home.”…

Jeremy 2011

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Responses

  1. God Bless.

    • Thanks Sharon…


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